So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
