Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
