census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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