i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
