While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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