i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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