Plan B is the new Plan A
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
