how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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