So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize