It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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