last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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