My liver just broke up with me...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
