I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Quick, to the slutcave!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
