i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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