Say something about gay babies.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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