so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
