oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
