my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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