That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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