you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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