I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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