I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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