Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can't put those talents on a resume
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
