i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
