I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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