I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
True strength comes from lack of pants
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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