you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize