If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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