We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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