The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize