He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you will always have a special place in my vag
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize