What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
