It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
