You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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