Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I love having hate sex.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
and you fell through a lawn chair
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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