we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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