I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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