God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
