I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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