wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
