Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
