I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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