but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
