Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
