Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
