I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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