I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
