member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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