He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
