i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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