i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
