So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he fucked my hip out of place.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
