So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
