My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
