She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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