the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
