i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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