i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
