Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
