Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
