Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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