apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
