cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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