Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
