So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
