My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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